I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
