I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
