I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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