dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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