I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Two words: blizzard sex
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
