There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i think my cat just said my name.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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