You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she woke up with a sticky ear
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
