she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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