i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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