why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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