I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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