I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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