I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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