i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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