roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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