Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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