Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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