My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My feet surprised me
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