Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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