Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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