My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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