roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
