She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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