I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
