You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
