when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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