they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
