Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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