Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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