It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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