Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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