Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
