why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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