There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
