I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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