so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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