I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
