remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
