I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
