Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I didn't notice because vodka
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
