Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
