when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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