your parents love me but you hate me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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