I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
