I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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