this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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