She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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