Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just found out that she named her cat after me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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