I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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