I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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