my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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