he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize