Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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