bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
